Why the First Two Years of Marriage Are Critical

Why the First Two Years of Marriage Are Critical Relationships Spouses & Partners Print Why Are the First Two Years of Marriage so Important? By Sheri Stritof Sheri Stritof has written about marriage and relationships for 20 years. Shes the co-author of The Everything Great Marriage Book. Learn about our editorial policy Sheri Stritof Medically reviewed by Medically reviewed by Carly Snyder, MD on January 28, 2020 facebook twitter linkedin Carly Snyder, MD is a reproductive and perinatal psychiatrist who combines traditional psychiatry with integrative medicine-based treatments.   Learn about our Medical Review Board Carly Snyder, MD on January 28, 2020 Peter Cade / The Image Bank / Getty Images More in Relationships Spouses & Partners Marital Problems LGBTQ Violence and Abuse Those who are married know that marriage can hit rough patches at any point in time. When it happens early in the marriage, this can be quite alarming but dont panic as these ups and downs are very common.?? As the topic of matrimonial success and divorce is studied more and more, research shows that how a couple weathers their first two years together can make or break their marriage.?? First Two Years Predict Long-Term Marital Fate Dr. Ted Huston of the University of Texas at Austin provided commentary on a study on the predictors of marital satisfaction and stressors.?? This study showed that couples newlywed marriages and changes in their union over the first two years foreshadow their long-term marital fate after thirteen years ... disillusionmentâ€"as reflected in an abatement of love, a decline in overt affection, a lessening of the conviction that ones spouse is responsive, and an increase in ambivalenceâ€"distinguishes couples headed for divorce from those who establish a stable marital bond. The researchers also discovered differences between the happily married and unhappily married groups were apparent right after they tied the knot.?? The Texas study looked at 156 couples who were married for the first time in 1981. Researchers discovered the following  after thirteen years: 68 couples were happily married32 couples were unhappily married56 couples had divorced The couples who divorced within the first two years showed signs of disillusionment and were negative toward one another in the first two months of their marriage. It is a sign of trouble if a newlywed couple starts to have disillusionment within the first year. The couples who were still happily married were couples who were able to have positive feelings about their spouses during this early period of time in their relationship.?? Facing the Honeymoon Blues If you find yourself a bit depressed after your wedding, its okay. Honeymoon blues are normal. You have both been caught up in time-consuming wedding preparations. It is a sure bet that once you dont have that stress to deal with, you will have a sense of loss. Its similar to the post-holiday let down that many people experience. However, it is important to not ignore this period of depression. Being prepared for the newlywed blues can help you get past them. Its time to move on to setting the marital stage for the rest of your lives together. As mentioned by Dr. Hustons study, a top priority for newlyweds should be keeping the romance alive.?? There are other priorities a couple will need to face as well. Several major goals that need to be settled the first year include how to allocate and handle money, who is going to do what chores, ways to spend free time, finding time to have sex, dealing with in-laws, understanding differences in spirituality or religion, learning how to deal with conflict, and discussing expectations. Unfortunately, many couples avoid topics that may become heated, but doing so will do a disservice to your union.?? Red Flags in Early Marriage: Lack of romance and intimacyInability to have fun togetherSelfishnessFear of conflictLack of respectOver-commitment of time to other thingsOver-spendingToo much dependence on parentsSexual problemsAddictions and/or substance abuseEmotional and/or physical abuseUnrealistic expectationsMarried too young or for the wrong reasons What to Do If Youre Struggling The best thing to do is have an open and honest conversation with your spouse, without blaming, about your concerns. You can start by saying something like, I think we are both struggling to adjust to being married.  From there you can figure out what marriage support options might be a good fit for you both. It could be setting aside time to read and discuss self-help books, seeking guidance from a house of worship or other trusted source, joining a marriage education class,  or pursuing couples therapy.?? The Best Online Marriage Counseling Programs Build the Foundation for a Successful Marriage Although the first couple of years are said to be the most difficult, they are often remembered as the most joyous. They can be a tremendous time of intimacy and discovery. There is so much to learn about each other and so much to express to one another. During the newlywed stage of marriage, you can both build the foundation and set the stage for a life-long, meaningful marriage. So enjoy and romance one another!